2u

the days will pass and dream will fade next time when we will c again you will be shining bright old friend

love and other disasters

what the fuck is love about ?

i guess we should depict 2 different aspects
1. loving somebody
2. falling in love

To love somebody it is important, that means you care about people, and if you have some luck the other people care about you. So it is a really nice thing, you help each other , you learn to rely on each other, you make favors, you feel pain when the loved people feels pain, you share you life with your love ones (family/friends/whatever). So it is simple : love is about sharing the life, and if you are lucky it is gonna be full duplex.

Now what the fuck is falling in-love ?
personally for me it like a fucking disease, infection, it comes and shakes you world and you feel, well ? ;/? fucked.
well this happens to me like once in 3 years, at least it happened 3 times in 10 years :), so there is this feeling that coming from the deeps, and it is telling you do it, go talk to her. It is whispering always something, and the fucking brain is paralyzed, this new process is eating all your cpu/resources., and you are feeling like "the girl from Shopaholic", and you are asking yourself :
- do i need it ? do i need it ? do i need it ?

then there comes the phase number 2 : when you tell yourself :
- i don't need it, i don't need it

what happens next is you try to open your cards, and it feels like you are begging for something. but no one loves the beggars.

well i'm saying this, cause it just happened the same scenario with me, so i guess i had to say something, anyway nobody is reading my blog.

yep so i'm stating that falling in love is some kind of disease, one that everybody wants to experience and i wish you all : have a nice experience at least once.

almost google interview experience

hi all,
so a few months ago i was contacted by some recruiter (from google), he asked me if i was interested to work at google, and i said yes. (of course i said yes it was like "oh my God so the last period of time i spent doing 'don't know what' was not in vain, it all has a purpose, my life has a purpose", cause this is google man, not some average company with average programing job, this is serious shit, some fucking serious shit is happening now with me ).
So i started to prepare for the phone screening, i searched in google for "google interview" and surprisingly i got many results, people sharing their experience, so it was nice to read all this, then there were some interesting interview tips :
1. warm up before interview (drink coffee suggestion, start your brain ...)
2. listen to what interviewer says, don't interrupt the interviewer (cause interviewer is like God assistant and you can get to God only if you "are being nice" with the interviewer)
3. never say no to the interviewer, try to answer smart, ok try to answer anything (better if it is smart thou),
4. remember that interviewers are people and they like to feel important, and they like people dancing around.
5.and many others but most important to should be friendly speaking so you can create a contact with the person on the other end, people have to like you, you have to blend in.
6. and of course you have to know what you are talking about.
7. if you don't know the answer, show them you can find the answer
8. anything is good as long as it is not nothing
9. and many more, in other words be prepared to lick asses and be nice while you are doing it.

but also there were some interviewers who were sharing the whole interview scheme and question types (well my interview was exactly as described at least from interview scheme point of view). So anyway i was reading that people are being asked stuffed i was good at long time ago, but stuff that my previous 2 companies don't give a damn about. So i thought again : oh fucking shit my life was not so pointless after all. i wasn't accumulating just unneeded knowledge, there is somebody who needs the shit i once learned.
i felt good, the brain i considered long gone for a walk, passed by again and we started having fun, i was reading about algorithms, complexity, lists, heaps (i learned that wikipedia rules). It was a nice time of my life and i even applied some the new knowledges at my work place (did some optimizations), man it felt i am fucking alive.
And then i had my first phone screening, i was really scared, my adrenalin was pumping, and this was one of those interview i really care about, (the truth is i have an interview per year and i am not really good at it, i am not the average people person). Well this screening passed well, we (me and the interviewer) found this common ground were we could stand and just talk, and i liked talking it was a nice experience. I somehow managed to pass the 1st screening. (probably at that time my biorhythms were high)
My second screening was a failure, i failed to find common ground with the interviewer. Probably this happened because i was asked "tell me about your most interesting project?", and i went like "what?, what interesting project, did i had any?", how can anything be interesting after you finish it ? Interesting is building spaceships and exploring the universe in the search for new life form to mate and create diversity in life. :) So after this question i knew my interview was failed.
and this was it, i was told that i am not a very good math and ....
so what have we learned kids :
1. never put interviews on Monday
2. always check your biorhythms
3. be fucking friendly to people
4. learn to talk
5. always prepare what you have to say
6. don't improvise, you are not fucking Chris Rock
7. learn to lose

TODO : search for a book for "learning to lose" cause i lack the skills

depression part 2

Youth is given only once and even then it is lost.

depression part 1

depression is when you have to many thoughts
too little time and
too little to say about your life,
you wish you did more in life but everything is falling apart,
despair happens everyday all around us,
and sometimes you fill with darkness and ...

UDO - In the darkness

Why am I here now
What have I done
Running on empty- I got nowhere to run

Can't get an answer
Can't get it right
Just try to make it
'till the end of the night

Is there a way to avoid doing wrong
Lead me away from the darkness
Light up my day show me where I belong
Please don't leave me all alone in the darkness

Far in the distance
There is night, there is day
Sounds are waving nets of dismay

Sometimes I'm stuck in a shocking delay
Like in a slow motion movie
I'm reaching out for something to hold
Life slips away in the cold- in the cold

My heart is so cold- my heart is so cold

Why was I turned down
What's going on
I wish there was something that could have been done

How can I get there
Where is the light
How can I make it
'till the end of the night

How can I turn darkness to light
Leaving my fear in the darkness
Is there a way how can I overcome
My restless night's and my fear- and my fear

In the darkness- in the darkness- in the darkness

2009 year totals

so this is it one year of blogging and here are the results :

http://builtofire.blogspot.com/
visits : 534
page views: 861
average time on site : 94 seconds
total posts : 26

http://nokia5800software.blogspot.com/
visits : 780
page views : 1086
average time on site : 48 seconds
total posts : 7

Adsense for both blogs :
page impressions : 1700
total clicks : 7
total earnings : 1 $ 

Conclusion
1. url is important for visitors count.
2. content is important for average time on site.
3. referring urls makes an important % of all the traffic, so when posting to forums is nice to have the url attached to signature :)
4. i was unable to make any success with adsense , should rethink strategy :)
5. must post more interesting stuff, people like interesting content.

Happy new year ALL.