Randomness

Randomness ...

here i am trying to focus on something...

wanted to focus on some programming project and failed ...

now just trying to focus on something so here a new dose of random bullshit :

while fighting myself to gain some ground against my insane nature a find myself in the loser situation, and somehow the mix of all things that matter to me has managed to throw myself in the chaos of destruction, the peace i found and lasted for a two months period has ended, and thus my dream of being ever understood by another being. we r all crazies lost a little pot of milk, some ignoring and other trying to understand. but realy how can u understand crazyness ?
most of the time u just feel empty and hollow, and the little battles you win are just not enough to make u going through all this again. next there is the everchassing spirit after what's new and exciting, and this is also going against you,

then there are are all those old things you wanted to do, and never got the chance to start or to finish, and all those old friends you know that lost the faith for you.

then it is you again with ur dreams and wishes fight the same all monsters, not being able to start or to finish, for the reasons are gone, faded in the light of new desires or wishes or let's just call them illusions :)

and u cant move on until u lose the illusion of control...

and all breaks inside and outside you, and there is little to keep u together, and u look for every little drop of water to satisfy thirst.

but lives go on, it always find a way, old trees fall down to leave the place for the young ones, the cycle repeats itself and almost a peaceful nature way, except people have to fight they need the show, and they need to be fed the ideas and feelings, and just Shakespeare said : the world is a theater and we all are actors, i find myself watching the drama, where only few people understand that all this bullshit is just a show to make us believe that something is actually happening. and by watching the show we are missing the real point. i wish i knew the real point bu i cant get it, all i know it is there hidden from us by all these illusions and traditions and customs, and all this daily bullshit that we are used to swallow, and never ask why. why are we here ?

but it is spring so ice is melting the grass gets greener, the trees are blossoming and lives go into another cycle of waking up ... just like humans life everything is dictated by the cycles.

and i feel trapped inside these cycles just like i feel trapped in this prison of 2.5 dimensions.
the perfect prison is here, the prison which you can not feel or touch, and if string theory is right and there are many dimensions and we are just trapped inside only a few, then i believe this is our prison.

and all these aliens in my head search for a way to free themselves.
and all this talk that if it doesn't kill u just make u stronger is bullshit, it kills a part of you, an important part of u.

and i'm just being crazy because i cant be the other way, or just because i'm an usual person that just wants to feel different or feels different,
is it all in my head or is it real ?

he was standing on his usual place, watching the picture that unraveled just in front of him, all these people bellow, getting along with their usual life, never looking above to find the answers to their existence. From his place he could see many of them, some people with good hearts, some people envious, but all true in their desire to live better and do whatever it takes to achieve this, each finding its own way to the happiness, he was in charge of a small region in the mountains, he was watching around 15000 people, just like Sheppard are watching over the sheep, sometimes influencing their decision, and sometimes guiding them to the right actions towards other fellow humans.

Migration, imigrants and foreign countries ...

Long time didn't blog. And now here I am, concerned about complicated things. I am a software developer that know little about many things and that doesn't know how to sell my time and my abilities. I am now an immigrant in Cyprus, and while i am being here i am treated as an immigrant that steals somebody-else's job, and at home, the country where i from (Moldova), I am not treated like a person either. The European people look at people from my country like to people from "the poorest country of Europe". So there is little to say after words like this. I wish the situation was different, I wish we had normal people in the head of our country, but sadly the truth is bitter. We (the people of Moldova) are being pushed like cattle :

• Our government : makes our life miserable, by pretending that they are working for the people, but in the fact they do use people's money for their own good. They pretend to fight organized crime by organizing even a better crime institute that is legal and there is no justice to fight with it, everybody is involved.
• Romania : don't really likes Moldova because we don't dislike so much Russia for what it is, we don't dislike them so much because the ordinary people from Russia, they too are victims of the dictator regime that is being developed now there, they suffered in the passed and they will suffer from the lack of democracy.
• Russia : calls us nationalists, historically 70% of all people from Moldova are Romanians, also there are Romanians in Ukraine (North of Moldova and South). There are also Russians, Ukrainians, and other minorities. Basically the Russians came here in 1940, when the soviet union fought the World War 2, and many locals where moved to Siberia (especially the wealthy ones, and the ones that had access to good education in that time). So the Russians took their place and became the rulers of this land. Also to note that the Russians that came were not the most educated Russians of their time, it was just their government offered good relocation deals to them. So we are called by Russians nationalists because we want to learn the language the traditions of our people. And we have to feel a minority in our own country. That is sad.
• Europe and the West : ah the West, always so democratic and fair, and yet only fair and democratic to itself. And we feel this each time we want a visa to some west country. As i said before we are considered as the people of the poorest country in Europe by the West. And there is nothing else to say, probably we didn't deserved more respect from them until now.

So all mentioned above dislike the people from Moldova, yet Russia has work for us, Romania has work for us, Europe has work for us and our government uses the money made abroad by the people that are forced to find work abroad. And I'm just talking about work, I'm not saying what kind. Everybody is happy to have Moldova "the poorest country of Europe". I want to speak the language i grew up with. I want to have friends that speak the same language. I want my children to speak the same language as me. Is this so much to ask from a democratic world. I can speak and write in English, Russian and Romanian; also to speak in French, a bunch of other computer languages too, yet i am not a person in this world, because i don't come from a normal country, a country that respects its people. That is sad cause there a people that deserve to be respected in that country (and some people fade away without the much deserved respect). And in the light of the last events in Moldova, i understand there is no "my country" anymore. They have stolen our country from Us. All the people from Moldova, are people with no country, the sad part is that the people in the country they don't understand this. They are feed with useless information each day from the Government, the information sources for masses are not available, so we are doomed to crawl until the end of our miserable lives. God help us in this battle with the evil. So is there any way to feel a person here in this world, and now ? Complicated issue is this, and while i have no answer i could tell that, you have to learn, share your knowledge with others, become a personality, and then other people will respect you for what you are and not where you come from. Have a nice day children of the world, all of you. :)